The story of every woman

It happens in every home, to every married woman, to every mother.

Riya is married for 8 years now to Rahul and they have a daughter and son aged 6 and 4 respectively. She was working before her second kid started school and now due to the everyday pressure at both work and home, she has taken a break. Rahul works for a bank and they stay in their own apartment in a prime residential locality in Chennai with Rahul’s mother.

Its everyday headache for Riya to wake up kids and get them ready to school. They play around and tire her. She wakes up early by 5 am, prepares breakfast, their snacks for school and pack their lunch and water bottle and then wakes them up. Rahul pitches in and daughter Rupa has school till 3 and is better at understanding, but sometimes becomes playful and tires the parents seeing all the pampering her brother Rajan gets. Rajan has school only till 1130 am and would be back home by 12.

It’s a tough decision every day to decide on the menu! Nobody responds when asked but everyone complains when food is ready! Riya normally decides the day’s menu the previous night itself and keeps everything for kids like uniforms, bags, water bags, etc ready. She doesn’t expect any help from her aged mother in law and let her help on her own accord.

When she was working, Rajan would be picked up by her dad by 11 from the playgroup and would be dropped home in the evenings. Rupa would adjust with granny at home and will wait eagerly for her mom to come home to share the daily story. Riya would come in tired from work and to help Rupa with her studies and to plan for dinner. Most of the days, dinner would be chapati or dosa with the left over rice from the morning. Though Rahul would help, it would be tough to tell him everything and get it done, amidst the kids fun time with Dad, so Riya would do it mostly by herself.

Mom in law would be ready to cut the vegetables for the next day but Riya prefers it fresh. So mom in law would also get up early and help her. Having worked like this, Riya wanted a break as her parents weren’t able to take care of Rajan and also that they wanted to go on a vacation. When the topic came up, Rahul was little hesitant but finally agreed. He had his own thoughts like the school education, the rent and maintenance, how mom and his wife would have harmonious relationship, etc etc..but had to give in finally.

The disadvantage of been at work is that once at home, you would start thinking what am I doing at home?! How productive I am and what benefits im bringing in, etc.. the same thoughts propped up in Riyas mind after a couple of months, though she had kept herself busy at home! So much to do at home, each day and the stay at moms are really doing a commendable job! At least the working hours in the office end but at home its 24/7*365. Everyone would come to her for anything! She realized that after being at home, Rahul has become little lethargic and expects her for everything! Be it his keys or phone or something related to the house, he would immediately call Riya without a second thought! Rupa would come jumping with a homework in hand and at the same time, Rajan would also want her to carry him!

Ideally a stay at home has so many things to do! Getting up early, to put the daily kolam at the entrance, cooking breakfast and lunch, keeping everything in place, maintain the neatness of the house, prepare the batter, the podis, the grocery list, dusting the house, clearing the clutter, timely recycling of older papers, dresses, toys and books, vacuuming, paying the bills, reminding the hubby about the payments, the commitments, the monthly projections, any sudden trips, school events and the expenses, making sure everything is at home at the needed moment!

Its true that we have so many gadgets at our disposal to help us today and that even our mothers and grannies did all the above with excellence! But, truth is, nobody allowed them to contribute in all spheres. Its either kitchen or office if she worked, the husband would plan the budget and the other things at home. But today, moms have a say that what schools their kids should goto and what classes they need to be enrolled in.

After doing so much, she has to keep herself happy too, like reading a book or a afternoon nap or chatting with friends over phone or the social media, walking and so on.

Riyas friend Divya is a happy young woman with a single kid Dhruv and is a stay at home mom. She would have time always for friends and would wonder what Riya does all day! Divya even paints and do some artistic models at home. Whenever she pings, Riya would reply BRB and come after an hour! Their another friend Vidya also lives in the same city and they along with Puja made a close group of friends in college. Puja now lives in Bangalore and is working for an IT company. Vidya works in a playschool as she too has a small kid and without any support from parents she cant join a full time job.

All the 4 being close, they ping each other on whatsapp and stay connected as to what happens in others lives. Whenever they plan to meet, it just doesn’t happen and they would replan the whole thing. Be it anywhere, a movie or a mall, Vidya would first back out as nobody is at home to take care of her son, Keshav. Puja is always away and whenever she visits Chennai, its so tight to mix up official meetings and meeting friends. Riya, Vidya and Divya stay in distant localities and its not easy to meet up.

Riya wanted a break so badly from household chores, from not seeing anyone from her family for sometime! Its just so boring and pressurizing everyday! So she pinged Divya first to ask if they could meet. Divya was always the bubbly person and said YES but the only condition was to meet outside and not at anyone’s home. They called Vidya and convinced her to leave the kid with his dad for sometime and they all went to the beach on a Saturday morning. Women don’t give importance where they meet, its always the talking and they had soo much to exchange!

Starting from each others looks, the hair do, the dress, topics changed to everything under the sun, family, extended family, kids, mother in law, how each one is facing life, etc..these talks are so important for the women to keep them motivated each day! They stay at home or go to work, they always have their loads to share, not with their mom, not with the spouse however close they are, they jus need that listening ear, that leaning shoulder! Its very important to have good friends with the same wavelength so that understanding becomes easy! All the problems melt away when discussed openly with people close to our hearts!

They all learnt so much from each other, the encouragement factor, the daily small tasks are tougher to handle than the professional one time challenges! They realized how much ever they are present at home for kids, sometimes kids hurt by asking what did you do the whole day? I want Appa to feed me,etc.. Even elders soemtimes think as if they have nothing else to do and they while away the time in front of the mobile and television! And staying at home, educated and capable of working, pains even more!

Riya was amazed how Divya could do so much at home and Divya replied I turn deaf to the people around me! I just don’t approve their sharp words to wound me. My time is when I put my son Dhruv to sleep. Then I take up that day’s task and do little. I make it a point not to turn on the tv when he is around and so I listen to the radio. Weekends, I tell my hubby I need “My time” and ask him to take the kid out with him. I sometimes, stay up late at nights and read at least one page a day. This habit, Riya will make you addicted! Start with a single page everyday, something you find interesting and slowly it will absorb you! And very important, I make sure I wake up early to do the self talk! I talk to myself! Every day for a few minutes, telling myself this day is going to be good. I promise to be a better me!

Take a break Riya, you need it badly! Vidya was also listening and said yes, I too am in need of one! How about if we could meet up regularly say once a month, here on the beach? This meet has actually made me so energized and I am motivated! So saying, she grabbed the last bite of the corn kernel they all had bought. In went an ice cream each and they decided to have some tiffin at a restaurant before they say bye.

Though Riya was hesitant, she agreed for the next meet. Vidya told her that she and Riya were little hesitant in not trusting someone to take care of the kids and it makes complete sense to her. So may be we should try leaving the kids a little more and should catch up on our interests. Riya said how she wanted to learn driving but keep on postponing it. The other two pushed her to start the class at the earliest and she agreed. Its jus that she has to finish everything and by that time, its 1130 and Rajan is home! The other alternative was to leave him with pati once hes asleep and should start afternoon driving sessions. That way she can go for all the 5 days of the week!

The next suggestion was given to Vidya to start Montessori training or join a school as a teacher. Her playschool experience would get her a job easily and she could also get admission for her son. That way she would have a job and also part time and things at home could also be taken care of.

Vidya and Riya said Divya can actually sell her paintings on facebook and become an entrepreneur, she can work on her clients orders too once the business is established. She liked the idea and said she would give it a shot. They all called up Puja and she was very happy to be talking to her friends after a long time. She was feeling guilty of leaving her daughter at the day care till 6 in the evening and how that she’s not able to feed her every day and daughter is slowly moving away from her. All the three said in chorus take a break Puja and smiled at each other.

That evening, Riya heard a discourse on the television by a renowned educationist/speaker and she shared it with her friends:

Its tough riding both the horses at the same time, one the professional inside us, who wants the social circle to recognize us, to appreciate us for our talents and at the same time, taking care of our own home, our family. We compromise at one place and since that cant be outside as we are afraid not to lose our value, we do that at home. We get angry at each other, unable to keep up the words, even a promised dish cant be cooked on that day as we turned up late from work! Kids don’t understand all that, to them a failed promise is very bad!

So many women rely on the easy foods, or order from outside just to keep their loved ones, happy. They cant prepare a 3 course meal each day but they can buy their loved ones their favorite food once in a while. Which is important is for the person to prioritize, whether daily meal or the once in a way buffet. Dependent on the salary and other benefits, people invest in homes and other expenses thereby get entangled to commitments! To keep that up, earning needs to be continued even at the cost of ones own health, mentally and physically.

Today’s women ride cars, bikes, hold very prestigious positions at work, be an equal to the husband at home, join kids in reputed schools and colleges, make it affordable for the kids to have foreign degrees too. When time comes, they bravely send their kids off at the airports but cry later on at home, satisfied by skype calls and when they retire and want the children to be around, it becomes too late for kids and they wouldn’t leave the life they are leading.

When kids need parents the most, they are busy with work and commitments, so they learn to start living without parents

When parents need the kids, they are busy with work and commitments but its not easy for parents to live without the kids!

The most valuable gift more than money is TIME. Please give your closed ones the gift of time! Be with them, whenever you can, do silly things and laugh stupidly! There are no rules in imagination, an elephant can have rhinos legs. Tap their imagination and it will take them a long way.

It doesn’t matter if a woman works or not, because she does work everyday maybe with pay or without pay! Jobs may send the women home at 60 but there is no retirement at home! Its important to spend our time wisely as we all have Visa on this Earth, a visa with a hidden expiry date! So make it countable and enjoy when kids are small. Stay together as a family and keep up the culture you are grown in. Motivate each other and make it happen. A husband and wife must be very close friends first and share. Children will learn by looking at them!

So typing, Riya said thanks to Puja, Vidya and Divya for the meet up and the motivation and everyone agreed to meet up again very soon.