The joys of a joint family

 

There existed a species in India from 1970 – 1990s, where a minimum of 10 individuals stayed under the same roof, every day!

This group would mainly have a family head, his wife and a minimum of two sons and their families, which comprised of their wife and kids. Any guests coming for visits or stay would also happen on a regular basis.

The kids in the family had the privilege to be together, have seniors at home to learn from, have yummy meals from time to time and also a part when arguments and fights happen. When only the husband and wife live together, arguments happen! Then what to say when ten people stay together?!

A mini big boss house with twenty cameras (all are watching)!

But, they cherished the family bond! They knew their priorities!

The kid is not only the child to his parents but his uncles, aunts and grandparents had every right to discipline him or appreciate him. Someone from the family drops in school, someone picks up. Any adult visits the school for parent teacher meeting and the school accepted that! Books were shared and comics discussed, its also fun! Everyone had at least one friend at home!

Some uncle or aunt at home will be there at home to receive these kids back from school, if not the grandparents were home so that they could share their days happenings with the cousins, there was a vent.

There is one common kitchen which buzzes with activities from 6 am or even before that! All three meals of the day, the lunches, the coffees, the pickles and the applam, vadam, everything is made from this heart of the house! The women shared the work, washing, cooking and utensils, sweeping and mopping the floor. Whoever comes early from work checks for availability of vegetables and groceries. Ice creams and cakes were bought once in a year!

Parenting was easier in joint families, kids get sick, there is always that experienced grand mother and aunty who had faced and will give you solutions in a jiffy! Instead of running to the doctors, these home-made remedies would work most of the times.

One car, if at all the family had, would be shared, else everyone had their scooter or even worse, walking was the companion!

We didn’t lose anything! Actually, we learnt a lot.

If the sharing was fair, the expenses and emotions and the space, we didn’t lose anything!

But some unfairness here and there, a small smoke inside and privacy lost, the basic system was broken and everyone showed their supremacy and knowledge in running their own households.

Earning capability came in to picture and all wanted to make money.

So, sprang the day care centres, the tuition centres and classes to take care of the toddlers and the school children until the parents came back home. Same with restaurants, the fast food joints and other snack shops! How many shops you remember seeing in the 1990s?

All rushed home to have a dinner and crash. Again, the next morning, all run their respective races and the repeat mode on!

So, parents couldn’t spend more time with kids to know what kids faced in school every day and however tough the chapter was, please ask your tuition teacher, we are paying no?! was the standard reply. Parent’s struggles every day at workplace, amidst transfers and financial management was bigger when compared to the kid’s issues!

Yes, syllabus challenging and so many other things faced by children everyday outside their homes, emotionally, physically and mentally. If parents don’t speak to them, who will? Many kids started to feel lonely and isolated.  

Its not enough to celebrate birthdays with cake cuttings with extended family invited, or the other occasions. That would be more work for the parents!

Can we consciously bring those days back for kids? Is that possible even to think that way with our giant egos inflated?

Time to wake up before the next generation decides not to get married!