The Blame Game

May be we are not loving our parents enough?

As kids, we love our parents so much that we think them to be our role models. As we grow, the idea changes.

Many of us aren’t happy with our lives. We feel something or the other non-positive aspect about our childhood and put the blame on parents. We feel we should have studied in better schools, went to better tuitions, should have learnt swimming and other sports, should have scored better in X and XII, went to better colleges, better universities, married someone better, should have had a better car, better house, living better lives! 

Everything turns to same point – our parents. They should have given us everything better!

But actually, we are leading a better than imaginable lives! If I say this, many of us would disagree with me. Many regret that their childhood wasn’t happy, they weren’t allowed to do everything they wanted, parents scolded them and beat them up, controlled them, etc. 

Till we complete college, we need parents’ help and support for each and every thing and once we pass out of college and settle in a job, we feel we have achieved something and feel superior to our parents. We would have made them come to the workplace on the first day to give us moral support but after getting 2 pay cheques, we feel we know things better than them!  We take friends’ suggestions for even small things and just inform parents at the end.

We slowly move away from them mentally and some people even opt out for transfers, out of country assignments. Life becomes busy in the unknown land and even repeated and small inquiries on food, health and well being via the web camera makes us irritated! We still need them to find a life partner for us, because we know internally that we aren’t capable of finding one and are actually afraid of the responsibilities. If they find one for us, later on, it would be easy for us to continue our blame game!

We then get married and start life as an adult. New responsibilities crop up, time flies away understanding the spouse, setting up of family, etc. soon we become a parent and need our parents’ help to raise our kid. We make them travel and show them the places and send them back. Now they wait longingly for the weekends in front of the web cam to meet the grandson or granddaughter. We have busy lives and can’t afford to call them up every day and talk to them! They have become old and can’t understand our work pressure!

This is the case of children settling in foreign countries. Spending 21 days in a year with them is NOT enough; getting them some crap gift items is NOT enough! All they need is love. When the parents cannot support themselves, the children pay heavily for old age homes and make them live there comfortably. They feel they are giving parents more than they need. They feel they are fulfilling their duty towards them!

Coming to the kids staying in the same place as the parents, joint family is a rare phenomenon. We have too many visitors and elders being adamant with their orthodox ways, it becomes practically difficult to manage home and work! Privacy is lost totally as they always expect someone to come and meet them. They nag that nobody comes over or talks to them. Slowly, displeasure builds up and ends up in verbal fights ending up in children living separately in the same city and visit parents once or twice a week. 

Now, they miss their children and grandchildren. They feel even if they have committed the mistake, this is too costly a punishment! We don’t talk to them unless it’s really required. A wall gets created between us and as years roll on, it becomes tougher to break that down.

Where does this love and affection disappear? When does this happen actually? When we go to college? Or when we let in friends influence us? Or when we start working? Or when we gain respect in the society? In case of girls, wedding creates a huge change and though they share their problems with the mother, visiting them often becomes almost impossible! Boys have a totally different perspective and should now be clever to tackle both the perspectives, from the wife and from parents. In this juggling game, they miss to love the parents.

Love for the mother stays on but the love for the father slowly fades away as we grow older. We always remember how mother cooked our favorite food for us but forget what Dad has done! May be we too should be examined for selective amnesia!

At least, even if we are NOT grateful for what all they have done, let us not blame them. They have given up their all to bring us up and this is not the way to show gratitude.